As people we are naturally drawn to those fellow human beings who walk their talk. It is easy to trust them. Whereas those other fellow human beings who say one thing and do another, we would prefer not to even relate to them.
Consider then your current behavior in your parent teenager relationship. As a parent, do you walk your talk? Or are you a walking contradiction?
If it turns out that your words and action do not form a straight line, your parent teenager relationship will be seriously tested.
Am I implying that you as a parent, need to be perfect? No, provided you are coach able. To be coach able means to have the mindset to listen, learn, change and grow. In practice it means to say sorry to your teenager when you make mistakes and to sincerely commit to making amends.
This course of action calls for great maturity, commitment, courage and patience. These are values you can model to your teenager.
Bear in mind that your teenager has an inbuilt BS detector. Any attempts to fake it will cause you to be caught out with ‘egg on your face’.
Here is a checklist of some in congruent behaviors that may currently be stalling the development of your parent teenager relationship.
1. You are gazing out the window when you inform your teen that they mean the world to you.
2. You insist that your teenager speak to their mother in a respectful tone. However, you lose credibility when you hit their mother.
3. You are very strict about your teenager keeping a midnight curfew but catches you on all night drinking binges.
4. You lecture your teenager about the importance of loyalty whilst cheating on your spouse.
5. You get angry because your teen has failed to pay back the money they owe you. At the same time they see you getting angry at the tax office when you refuse to pay your taxes.
6. You chastise your teen for experimenting with drugs but you are a heavy drinker.
7. You lecture your teenager to eat healthy whilst you insist on buying takeaway food when it is your turn to ‘cook’.
8. You refuse to give permission to your teenager to borrow your car since you witness them almost having an accident. At the same time, you have already dented the car in several places this year.
9. You insist that your teen always tell the truth yet they overhear you telling a white lie to get through Customs.
10. You educate your teenager how important it is to not give up whilst at the same time you have quit three jobs in the past year.
Looking at these ten statements, how do you fare in your parent teenager relationship? If two or more of these statements describe you, I would suggest you lack integrity. Little wonder that your teenager struggles to take your advice and guidance seriously.
What then is to be done? Commit to being a person who listens, learns, changes and grows. This way your teenager can be more accepting and open to your advice.
Do you miss the times when your teenager was about ten years old and you could have a normal conversation with him? Do you wonder why it is so damn hard now to say anything without copping some attitude? If this sounds like you, but you know there must be a better way to cultivate your parent teenager relationship , grab parenting guruPaul Saver’s seven FREE parenting videos.
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