One of the greatest ways to affirm, honor, validate and selflessly love your teenager is to really listen to them. Conversely, to fail to really listen, is a great way to sabotage your relationship.

In your parent teenager relationship, if you tell your teenager how much you care about them, how much you appreciate them and value them, your words will fall on deaf ears if they don’t experience you as a real listener.

You may ask: What is the purpose of listening?” Certainly it is not so that you can speak. Rather it is so that you can come to sincerely understand another human being. Real listening is love in action.

When we decide to make listening from the other person’s point of view, our daily habit, in our parent teenager relationship, the more will our teenager decide to confide in us and express their innermost thoughts and feelings. This paves the way for trust and care in the relationship.

The sad part though, for too many parents, as they contemplate the quality of their parent teenager relationship, is that they fall prey to one or more, ‘relationship traps’. These ‘traps’ cause them grief as they end up getting the exact opposite of what they want.

Honestly ask yourself if you are guilty of any of the following ten ways that sabotage effective communication.

Do you judge others? Do you listen to your own internal dialogue and not the person who is speaking? Do you prevent the other person speaking? Do you plan your response before the other person has finished? Do you interrupt? Do you jump to conclusions or assume that you have the answer/solution? Do you ask mainly closed questions? Do you keep the conversation on what interests you rather than what the speaker says? Do you spend more time talking than listening? Do you finish the sentences of others? Are you aware of any personal biases that are being left unchecked?

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, relating to your parent teenager relationship, you have some work to do. Here are a few actions steps you could take.

1. Stick a note around your home, office or car that says “listen to understand”. Stare at it at least ten times every day for at least ten days. Determine that from now on, you will listen to your teenager in order to understand them better.

2. From now on, whenever your teenager begins talking, stop what you are doing and give your whole attention just to them.

3. Give at least twenty minutes every day to the job of listening to your teen. During this time, eliminate all distractions.

Good listening is hard work and is a selfless act. By doing so, you can take your parent teenager relationship to a whole new level so that it is more rewarding for you and your teenager.

Are you currently stressed and frustrated in your relationship with your teenager? Do you experience more pain than joy but remain hopeful that you can find a way to breakthrough in your parent teenager relationship? If thislooks like you, get a hold of parenting expert, Paul Saver’s seven Free parenting videos. Just click on the link.